The bus journey the next morning seemed endless. Endless but still, all too soon, it was time to get off and get on with the day. She paused outside the door, heart racing. How was she going to do this? Cool cucumber façade hid ruby red tomato embarrassment as she pushed open the door. It was heavy and she had to push fairly hard to make it open. This morning it was even heavier than normal. Heavy heart. Heavy door.

As she passed the threshold, her eyes scanned the room. Where would she sit? Where was the first empty chair? There was a seat close by. Thankfully she scuttled for cover, walking purposefully, head down, praying for the cloak of invisibility and anonymity. Just a few more steps. Relief. Safety. Haven.

But, as her knees bend to sit, her eyes are drawn to a spot on her right. There he was. Standing. Watching. Waiting. Waving. He is beckoning to her to come and sit by him. Red tomato embarrassment flushing her face, the sit became a stand and she took the few awkward steps to join him, her steps, accompanied by the collective noise of several indrawn breaths. Could she stay upright long enough? Her step, her stumble drew her closer. 10 seconds of time became a 10 mile walk as time froze in an instant.

Eventually, time kick-started back and she was standing there next to him. She could see the crinkled crease of the smile around his eyes. The welcome was almost palpable - his gesture warm and indicated that he wanted her to sit with him - it seemed as if he had even saved the chair for her - but surely not?

So she sat, like a rabbit caught in headlights and as she sat she became aware of the stilted hum of restarted conversations as the background noise level was suddenly turned up a notch or two, drowning out that sound of silence that thudded so ominously in her ears as she walked. That hum was swelled by the pleasantries they exchanged. Amazingly, words escaped from her frozen mouth. Yes, she was fine. Yes, it was cold this morning wasn’t it! How could it be so normal? How could HE be so normal? Did this mean that there was hope? Slowly a tiny thread of hope unravelled from the huge knot of despondency that caged her heart. Did this mean that they might have a future after all?

Her ice-clad mouth gradually formed more words as the glow of hope warmed her. And then silence. First, a sudden hush of expectation fell across the room. Then, as the slow blush of realisation hit her full pelt in the face, her words slammed to a halt as she became aware of the reason for the silence. For there She stood, framed in the doorway, eyes locked on the two of them, enveloping the whole room in her stare. In the silence of the moment, the tiny glow of hope vanished as she felt the tight grasp of ice-bars capture her heart again and locked it tightly in their frozen grip. So tight was their grasp that her heart failed to beat for a split-second as she realised that She was making her way over to them. Then another tight grasp and a brief, momentary gasp as she realised that the empty chair that she was occupying now, must have been meant for Her all along. How could she have been so stupid?

So she sat, face now rapidly deserted by the cucumber cool and replaced by the tomato red blush of embarrassment, waiting for the impending consequence of the night before. Would it be the sting of words that assaulted her? Or would it be the sting of hand across face? The whole room waited, breath momentary withheld in anticipation of the onslaught.

But, cucumber cool She came, and sat down on the arm of the chair next to her. And the room was again filled with the breath and chatter of crisis averted. Relief. There would be no scene this morning.

Normality. Calm. But for one of them, heart now firmly locked in the icy cage of despair, normality was a state that she was to yearn for all too often over the following few months. For as the bell rang out for the start of the day, the door of the cage around her heart slammed firmly shut and the key was turned and removed and hidden.

This entry was posted on Friday, January 13th, 2006 at 7:57 pm and is filed under Love, Stories. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.