The day they were married, they jointly laid the foundations of their life together.

Then, suddenly, one day, she laid the first stone.
She placed it in the front.
There, on the firm, flat foundation that they had laid together, she added the first stone to the wall. At that time, there was no reason for the wall other than personal security. As the months passed by, the next stone was placed beside the first, and then another and another until suddenly that single stone had become a complete ring - a circle.
Enclosing.
A ring of stone of stone around the foundation.
A ring of gold around her finger.
A ring of stone around her heart.

And as the years went by, that single ring of stones increased, layer by layer, stone by stone, until it reached up passed her feet and reached up to her knees. Now she was aware of it. Now she knew it was there. Now she had to pick her feet up to cross over from it. The walk out of it. To return back into it. Now it became less of an unconcious defence mechanism - more of a palpable barrier. But was it a barrier to stop her getting out - or to keep him from getting in. Now she had the choice. It was up to her. Should the wall grow higher, should it stay as it was, or should it be knocked down once and for all.

She chose to keep it there. It need not grow any higher. It could just stay there. He did not know it existed, for only she knew it was there.

And for many years, this is how it remained. She was in control. She could move out of the circle when she wanted. She could move back in when she needed. And life moved on.

But then, she found herself adding more stones. Not daily. Not often. But gradually, the wall increased, getting taller and taller until she found that she was struggling to surmount it. She could still pass out of the circle but now it was harder. It took more effort. It took more time.

And still it grew. And as it grew, and the longer it took for her to get out, and the harder it became for her to leave, the less and less she tried. Once or twice she really struggled. She strived and stretched and slithered up the slope and landed, exhausted outside the wall. But it felt so raw, and wretched to be so exposed that she quickly climbed back into the security of her walls - the comfort of the familiar being far more appealing than the attraction of freedom.

And then, she found, that the wall was now so tall , that she could not get out, even if she wanted to. She had laid the stones up around her in such a way that it was impossible for her to leave. There was no way out.

Enclosing.
A ring of stone of stone around the foundation.
A ring of gold around her finger.
A ring of stone around her heart.

But, she continued to add the stones, until she found herself completely enclosed and contained, encircled and contained, enwrapped and entombed.

And as she did, she removed the ring of gold from her finger…she placed it on the wall, and then added the final stone over it- and as the stone was set in place, the ring of stone around her heart was now complete.

The end of the circle.
The end of the wall.
The end of the marriage.

And he sits outside.

And waits..

Can I say this is nothing to do with the relationship between Ed and I. It is my reaction to the situation of a very dear friend of ours. I just had to get the words out. I will probably read this tomorrow and press the delete button.

I am really grumpy today.

Nothing anyone says is right, everyone I speak to is either annoying me or irritating me. Look at me sideways and I’ll bite your head off!

I need to crawl into a cave and hide there for a few days - you know that expression “a bear with a sore head”?

That just about sums me up today…

A big grizzly bear with a Migraine….

Anyone know of any nice warm caves that I can hibernate in?

Your Gemstone is Amber

Creative, happy, and logical. You shine in any intellectual endeavor

I love my jewellry. I have a few very nice rings and necklaces that I wear. Some I wear all the time and others come out depending on what I am wearing. All have some sentimental meaning or association. I have a beautiful topaz ring that Ed gave to me on my 40th birthday, some lovely opal earings (supposed to be unlucky but I can’t be bothered with all that nonesense!) and some diamonds set in gold.. no silver - it has to be gold!

And, do you know, not a single bit of amber in my collection!

Perhaps I ought to start hinting!

Just tweaking the site a bit - please be patient - I will get there in the end!

12.35pm - Just a few glitches in the side bar to sort our now!

6.15pm - Been over to my parents for the afternoon and have tried to sort out the sidebar. Still one or two little niggles but I am feeling very pleased with myself!!!

I seem to have this preoccupation with mist at the moment.

I woke up this morning after a very vivid dream where I was absolutely drenched through to the skin after a walk in the mist. For several days I have had long strings of prose about walking in the mist, running through my head - that disappear like summer mists the moment I try to get these thoughts from my head onto paper (or computer).

The other night I was also dreaming of mist, but this time I was running through a misty landscape and then, again, I keep having pictures of me standing by the seashore, bathed in the mist.

Now I know I am not sleeping well, and I wonder if this is anything to do with it, but it seems strange… These dreams and thoughts are not comfortable - they leave me feeling unsettled and disquieted. I have never been one to care much about dreams and their interpretation, but if anyone out there knows or has any ideas, what all this might be about, then, please let me know.

I hate it when I can’t sleep.

I have had a very good spell of sleeping through the night. The second week of our holidays where Ed joined us and we went to the coast was the first time in ages that I managed to break the cycle of waking around 3.00am and then not being able to get back to sleep. For some reason, perhaps the extra exercise or the sea air, but I slept really well. And actually, apart from the odd hiccough, I have been sleeping far better.

But the last two nights I have been back to that waking and then tossing and turning mode.. and then, eventually, admitting defeat and getting up. I did go back to bed yesterday and woke up, like a stewed owl, wishing it was not morning.. don’t you just hate that feeling!

The main thing is that I am a very light sleeper. The slightest thing has me awake. I suppose it is all the years of listening out for the children in the night. Even now, I surprise them by going down to them in the night if I hear them going to the loo, or coughing, or something.. The rain is another culprit. You probably know that we have a skylight abouve our bed. All very romantic for watching the starts etc but, incredibly noisy as the the rain bounces off it! And the wind. And Ed’s occasional “noisy breathing” when he lies on his back… So once I am awake, the brain kick starts into gear and - pow - thoughts rush in at a hundred miles and hour and knock me over!

Part of my trouble is the fact that I am thinking about all the many and varied things that are going on in my life. Those of you who read Ed will know of some of the things to which I refer! But with me, it is not always the “BIG” things that keep zooming around my head. It’s the little, inconsequential things that are so annoying, like the fact that I forgot to buy something that daughter needs the next day for school, or that I am behind with the laundry, or whatever.

Another factor, and this is one that I have no control over, is the medication that I need to take for my thyroid problem. So many people I speak to who take it also say they have disturbed sleep patterns. Perhaps I should speak to my doctor about it.

But, I just hope that I am not going to get back into that spiraling pattern of broken nights that I thought I had broken. Otherwise, this blog is going to turn into a very dismal place, full of mist and gloom and fog rather than sunshine. I hope not!

Anyway, after reading Ed’s most recent post,and as we have 10 mins before I have to wake the children, I think I will take him up and cup of tea, crawl into bed next to him, and wake him up with a cuddle.. now there IS always a ray of sunshine to look forward to!!!!!

I had this song in my head for much of the time we were away….

“We’ll do it all
Everything
On our own

We don’t need
Anything
Or anyone

If I lay here
If I just lay here
Would you lie with me and just forget the world?

I don’t quite know
How to say
How I feel

Those three words
Are said too much
They’re not enough

If I lay here
If I just lie here
Would you lay with me and just forget the world?”

Lyrics and music from Chasing Cars by Snow Patrol

I will always associate this song with this weekend..

The last verses say:-

“Forget what we’re told
Before we get too old
Show me a garden that’s bursting into life

All that I am
All that I ever was
Is here in your perfect eyes, they’re all I can see

I don’t know where
Confused about how as well
Just know that these things will never change for us at all

If I lay here
If I just lay here
Would you lay with me and just forget the world?”

After all these years, my love for you gets stronger and stronger - let us hope and pray that this love will continue to increase and that we never take what we have for granted..

“Just know that these things will never change for us at all”

Thanks for a beautiful Anniversary….

“You’ve got to get up every morning with a smile on your face and show the world all the love in your heart. Then people are going to treat you better. You’re going to find, yes you will, that you’re beautiful as you feel.”

- Carole King

Oops - there is a bit missing
I wonder why it cut this off the first time!

I think what I said was that when you have had a few lazy weekend “lie-in” in the morning with the most wonderful man in the whole world, it is very easy to walk around with a smile on your face and a bit of a glow which must be obvious to the world that your heart IS full of love, the reflection of the joy and passion felt when two minds and bodies come together in complete and utter trust and enjoyment of each other, then yes, I certainly DO feel better and I hope that I look as beautiful on the outside as I feel on the inside.

I know how lucky I am to experience this, and my biggest hope is that one day, you will find someone who makes you feel like this too….