When you look at the night sky for an hour or so, through a rectangular skylight, it is absolutely amazing to see just how quickly the earth is moving. You can plot the position of the stars against the edges of window and virtually watch the earth move…….

Today (or actually yesterday), the 24th anyway, was the dubious 1 year anniversary of me starting at my present job. Up until then, for the last few years, I helped hubby with the business, taking short term temporary assignments as and when they came up. Initially it was two days a week, that then grew to three and now is mostly full-time - though I am still contracted to 3 days. It is just a means to an end.. I get no job satisfaction. But it is just down the road and it takes me 6 minutes to walk there and I come home for an hour at lunch time - so it does have some advantages.

Many people used to remark that they felt that they could never work with their partners. It would be courting disaster… I have never felt that about our relationship. We work well together and I have to say, the worse thing about my job, as well as the boring monotony, is the wrench each morning in leaving Ed. But I do then get my fix at mid-day which just about makes the day tolerable……

Daughter is virtually the same height as me (5 foot, 3and a half inches to be precise!)- she is 15 in May and so the capacity for increased growth is high. Son has towered over me since he was 10 year old, but Daughter has had a rapid growth spurt over the last year. She is delighted and keeps coming and standing by me. I have to steel myself for the glee she will show when she actually IS taller. Ho Hum…..

Parts of the UK have had snow but not us. At least the gales have abated!

I am feeling much better now. The migraine on top of a nasty chest infection was nearly the last nail in the coffin so to speak. Have woken up with a headache the last two mornings though - don’t know if it is the last vestiges of the migraine - this one lasted well over the 3 day norm. I have an appointment with the doc in a few weeks to discuss this whole migraine saga. I can’t carry on like this….

My last thyroid blood test was borderline. I have to have another blood test in a month or two. I have been saying for months that I feel my thyroxine dose needs to be increased but until it shows up in the blood test they won’t up my dose. It’s my body. I know how I feel. Why do they have to wait for a blood test to confirm what I already know!

My hands are so cold I can hardly type. I ammaking so many mistakes I think I had better end off now.

Good night.

Ed gave me a copy of this album for Christmas. It is by the Irish singer/songwriter called Damien Rice. I absolutely loved his first Album called “O” so he thought that I would like his new one. This time it is called “9″ - obviously titles of one syllable are the thing!

He was right……

I put it on as I was preparing our Christmas meal and this song reduced me to tears. I had to stop the vegetable chopping and go and find Ed for a big reassuring hug…

Listen to the words (play the song in the sidebar if you like) and then I will tell you why.

The Animals Were Gone by Damien Rice

Oh I know that I left you in places of despair
Oh I know that I love you, so please throw down your hair
At night I trip without you, and hope I don’t wake up
‘Cause waking up without you is like drinking from an empty cup

It was a bit crazy here in the run up to Christmas. With Father in Law being ill and not being as organised about Christmas as we should have been, our time together, when we had time together, revolved around getting Christmas and the Senior folks organised. Our quality time together was almost non existent. But there was one morning, the Friday before Christmas, was the one day that we had when did not have to get up with the children for School and, though we knew we had to finish off the shopping, there was no need to get up early.

So, what did I do? I got up at seven am and whilst I knew in the back of my mind that Ed wanted me to go back to bed, I did not go. I just was not in the mood. If I had gone back to bed, I would have wanted just to go back to sleep and I knew that this was not quite what Ed would have in mind! My head was thumping and all I needed that day was to develop a migraine and I just needed some time to myself. I really cherish the stillness of the house at that time in the morning. The traffic is usually light and the birds are often treating me to their morning songs. The only time I get to myself. Quite frankly, I just wanted to be left alone. Yes I knew what the consequence would be, but even the thought of a grumpy hubby did nothing to propel me back up those stairs.

So, why the tears? Why did the song affect me so?

Did we break the habit of a lifetime and have a huge row and end up being mad at each other? No. Nothing like that. When Ed got up and said that he was hoping I would go back to bed, and I told him why I didn’t, he said something to me that he has told me over and over before. He explained to me how much he hates waking up to an empty bed and, even though I know this, and have been told this so many times, this time, for some inexplicable reason, it actually dawned on me that he was deadly serious and that he really does suffer from me not being there. I actually felt his pain if that makes any sense.

SO imagine how I felt when, just two or three days later, I hear the words of this song….

“Cause waking up without you is like drinking from an empty cup”.

Who would not have filled up? As my tears flowed, I just wanted to keep that cup filled up for ever!

All to often I am touched by the beauty of a song, be it a lyric or the tune, or that inexpressible something that sends a shiver deep into that secret place where our emotions are stored and stirred. And this was just that occasion.

Has this ever happened to you?

Darling Ed. I will try. Honestly I will. I would love to be able to keep that cup filled up continually. Full to briming-over. But sometimes, it is just not practical. And sometimes, just sometimes, I just need that little bit of time and space to myself. But you know that anyway. Just like you know that I am your Rapunzel and will let my hair down for you, and you alone. I do love you so much you know! Full to briming-over.