Here I am again. It has been a while since you have been subjected to one of my insomniac ramblings.

I have been sleeping a bit better recently I suppose and have even managed to go back to sleep almost straight away if I have been disturbed for some reason. The dog has started barking in the night recently, asking to be let out and I have even managed to go straight back to sleep even before darling hubby has returned from sorting him out.what a good man he is!.

But I seem to be back in a negative pattern again and the hours between 2.00am and 5.00am have become almost familiar to me yet again.

I have been having quite a few palpitations again recently. I don’t know if I am starting to stress about the move or something or it may be because I am not taking the iron supplement any longer and I may be back to being anaemic which has been a contributing factor in the past. It may also be my thyroid medication. I am recovering from a migraine too and those prescription tablets I take are pretty potent, and they usually knock me right out but reading the small print, it also says that they may caused disturbances to sleeping patterns.

It does not help that it is pouring with rain and heavy hail showers and the sound of that drumming on the skylight just a few yards above my head is enough to wake anyone,,, (but not hubby of course who sleeps through rain, hail, thunder and lightening but wakes for the dog - how odd!)

When I look at it like that, it makes me wonder how an earth I ever manage to sleep.

Thankfully it is the weekend and I can at least catch up with some sleep later….

Always a silver lining…

When you look at the night sky for an hour or so, through a rectangular skylight, it is absolutely amazing to see just how quickly the earth is moving. You can plot the position of the stars against the edges of window and virtually watch the earth move…….

Today (or actually yesterday), the 24th anyway, was the dubious 1 year anniversary of me starting at my present job. Up until then, for the last few years, I helped hubby with the business, taking short term temporary assignments as and when they came up. Initially it was two days a week, that then grew to three and now is mostly full-time - though I am still contracted to 3 days. It is just a means to an end.. I get no job satisfaction. But it is just down the road and it takes me 6 minutes to walk there and I come home for an hour at lunch time - so it does have some advantages.

Many people used to remark that they felt that they could never work with their partners. It would be courting disaster… I have never felt that about our relationship. We work well together and I have to say, the worse thing about my job, as well as the boring monotony, is the wrench each morning in leaving Ed. But I do then get my fix at mid-day which just about makes the day tolerable……

Daughter is virtually the same height as me (5 foot, 3and a half inches to be precise!)- she is 15 in May and so the capacity for increased growth is high. Son has towered over me since he was 10 year old, but Daughter has had a rapid growth spurt over the last year. She is delighted and keeps coming and standing by me. I have to steel myself for the glee she will show when she actually IS taller. Ho Hum…..

Parts of the UK have had snow but not us. At least the gales have abated!

I am feeling much better now. The migraine on top of a nasty chest infection was nearly the last nail in the coffin so to speak. Have woken up with a headache the last two mornings though - don’t know if it is the last vestiges of the migraine - this one lasted well over the 3 day norm. I have an appointment with the doc in a few weeks to discuss this whole migraine saga. I can’t carry on like this….

My last thyroid blood test was borderline. I have to have another blood test in a month or two. I have been saying for months that I feel my thyroxine dose needs to be increased but until it shows up in the blood test they won’t up my dose. It’s my body. I know how I feel. Why do they have to wait for a blood test to confirm what I already know!

My hands are so cold I can hardly type. I ammaking so many mistakes I think I had better end off now.

Good night.

One of the biggest misnomers in the English language which I take exception to in the strongest terms.

Why do “they” refer to Migraine as a headache. I have head pain. Searing, biting, nausea inducing pain on the right side of my head, just above and over the eye. It feels like how it must feel like someone has rammed a red hot poker into my skull and are gyrating it back and forth.
I would do anything for an “ache” at this moment.. I really would.

Last night I did not get much sleep. If you have read Ed blog you will know why.

You would have thought that tonight I would have slept like a log and be fast asleep in the land of dreams at this time of night (morning) - it is around 4.00am!!

But no, here I am..blogging away until that cloud of sleepiness hits me and I will then crawl back to bed in a fug and fall asleep - probably an hour before the alarm goes off and then I will need to get back up again..

No Migraine keeping me awake. - for which I am truly thankful.

No rain to blame..though we have had some very sharp showers..

No wind threatening to blow away the slates, clinging precariously to our roof as we wait for it to be repaired…

Just woke up coughing and could not get back to sleep again. The medication in the inhaler makes me shakey and is obviously some sort of stimulant and I do try not to take the dratted thing but sometimes I have to.. so, I just have to take it as it comes really.

There is a bird that has just started its morning salute to the day.. I think it is so wonderful.. I wish I could be more like that blackbird out there. Wake up and be so full of joy and song that I could just take a deep breath and sing out my bursting heart, waking the world with song.. wouldn’t that be wonderful?

Perhaps I should try that sometime. Not sure what the neighbours would say though!!!

Sunshine skies have turned into grey.

Sunshine skies have become wild gales.

Sunshine skies are now soaked with rain.

Sunshine Day has become Stormy Night.

and I can’t sleep……………..

I don’t know what it is about me recently.

I sometimes wonder if it is because I am hypo-thyroid, but far too often, my head feels as if it is stuffed with cotton wool. Or mashed potato.

I appear to be walking around in a fuzzy, slightly yellow-edged fog.

I am there, but I am not here.

I here, but am I there?

My brain seems less sharp than it should be.
My reactions are slower.
My words get muddled.
My memory is jaded - it is there - it is just slower to hit the recall button than I feel it ought.
Just not quite “with it” - or perhaps, just a little “without it” - but I reserve judgement on what exactly “it” is.

It’s like one of those join the dot puzzles I used to do as a child. You can make out the shape, you can see what it is, but, with the dots unjoined, the image lacks definition. And without that defining line, it is if all the contents are gradually leaking out and dispersing into the ether. It is not controlled. It is not contained. It just lacks outline..

I know it sounds weird. And it is weird. And how am I supposed to explain this to a Doctor. I can imagine his response now. It’s that look over the edge of his specs and the slightly elevated eyebrows look of “oh my, we have a right one here”!!!

Much of this is due to tiredness I am sure, and, as I have mentioned before, that wall of tiredness is thicker some days than others. Perhaps I really need a string of early nights rather than the odd one thrown in occasionally..

And before you ask, the only drugs I take are prescription medications for my Thyroid deficiency and I very rarely drink alcohol…so I can’t blame them.

On the other hand, it could just be my age……………………..

Hmm. Now there is one to ponder!!!!

PS This is my favourite song of 2005 - Damien Rice and “The Blower’s Daughter” - now this is often inside my brain and very welcome it is too….